Laura Zera

The Desire Map: What It Is, Why It Might Call to You

Have you ever had something in your life, and you love it so much, and then an opportunity comes up to make it an even bigger thing in your life? That just happened to me.

I love Danielle LaPorte and her work. I got turned on to Danielle in 2011, and immediately subscribed to her blog. Then I started listening to her recordings; the woman has a voice like melted chocolate. I packed the Credo for Making It Happen mp3 with me to a writers’ conference in 2012 and played it before I made my first-ever book pitches to literary agents. (It worked.)

I attended a different conference in 2013–a great one put on by the Women in Biz Network–where Danielle presented twice in two days. Not only did her wisdom not disappoint, it deeply resonated. (Also, the next week, while shopping at Nordstrom, I found the exact same top she’d worn on the first day. I tried it on, but I didn’t buy it. That would have been creepy. It was a nice top. I can see why she likes it.)

The shirt — Forget “Who Wore It Best,” we both look fabulous.

I read Danielle’s book The Desire Map and did the workbook in 2014. More deep resonance, followed by a permanent and transformational shift in my being. And in 2015, I became a licensed facilitator for The Desire Map Workshop. (Every now and again, I squeal out loud.)

I came to this work honestly: I didn’t like how I felt more often than I was comfortable accepting. That was the bottom line. The other bottom line? The whole point of life is to feel good. Otherwise, what’s the point?

In that way, The Desire Map has been revolutionary for me. This book isn’t just intellectual theory; it’s a catalyst for change. It helped me get clear on what was working and what wasn’t. I figured out how I wanted to feel. Every day. And, for the first time in many, many years, I declared that yes, my feelings actually were the best navigation system for designing my life.

So now, as a facilitator and a friend, I ask you this: How do you feel? And, how do you WANT to feel?

Some more good questions: Do you have blocks to move? Self-limiting beliefs you need to burn? Huge, awesome, juicy things you’re jonesing to manifest in your life? Then maybe The Desire Map is for you, too.

The Desire Map Workshop walks you through the process of practically and soulfully creating a life that you actually want to live, while connected to people, experiences and things that you actually want to be connected to. If it calls to you the way it called to me, I would be honored to guide you in this work.

First up, an in-person workshop in Seattle on Feb. 21 & 22, 2015. In the future, I’ll be considering other locations and/or a virtual workshop. You can also email me at laura at zerapress dot com. I want to be of service, so don’t be shy.

I don’t believe we’re on this planet to just pass through, or to let our potential go unrealized. I DO believe that we each have the power to design a life so right for us that when we lay our head down to sleep each night, our hearts are full of joy and our souls are content. It’s what I want. Is it what you want?

Year-end Fun: Updates on Past Posts – Travel & More

By Laura Zera 16 Comments

I’m going to put a slight twist on the “year in review” concept and instead give some updates and add-ons to previous posts that have appeared on my blog.

First, an update on the Heladería Coromoto ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela. I first called out this shop in the post Ten Whackadoo Travel Facts, highlighting its Viagra ice cream. Just a couple of days ago, I read that it has shut down until at least mid-January due to a milk shortage. Now the question is: do we blame the socialists or the cows?

I’ve spent a pretty good amount of time talking about edible things from animals’ bums on this blog – Say, Did That Strawberry Flavor Come From Beaver Butt? and My Cup of Wild Civet Coffee are two such occasions. Now my good pal Jo-Anne Teal (seriously good flash fiction author over at Going For Coffee) has brought it to my attention that elephants are now being touted as the next coffee-bean-pooping rock stars. So basically, any animal who shits out a bean is now a market commodity.

One of my favorite stories on this blog was the post Trinidad and Old Friends, which told of a 74-year-old gentleman that I met on a bus in Port of Spain. There was just something about him and his story that stuck with me, and despite asking the bus driver of that particular route to look out for him, and passing notes through the marketing manager for the bus line, sadly, I was never able to locate the dapper gentleman again. So, the mystery of his friend in New Westminster, B.C. remains unsolved.

I also lost touch with the fellow I wrote about in my post Let Me Give You a Quarter for the Shoes. He no longer occupies the corner by the KFC, nor any other nearby intersection, so has probably moved on to another city. There have been plenty of others filling those spots around town, however, as the number for people living in poverty in Washington state has topped 14 percent. Add a severe mental illness into that equation and the odds are stacked against you.

Now to the friends I can still find! I’ve had a number of great people come and guest blog for me over the last three years. Where are they now? Well, here are some updates on a few of them.

Author and blog coach Molly Greene visited in May 2012. At the time, she’d just released her first book; now Molly has five books out and is about to release the sixth. This woman works hard!

There was also Kendall Hunter, my old chum from when we lived in South Africa, and both author and photographer. Kendall was working on a book about female photojournalists around the world. From what she’s told me, it’s morphing quite a lot – oh, how books change shape, hey? In the meantime, she’s creating a really cool website and mobile app called CultureDock, where young people can find and post information about cross-cultural information and experiences.

Then there was Jeri Walker-Bickett, who contributed a moving essay that continues to be one of the most popular on my site. She was writing her novel then, and still is – oh, how books can take a long time to birth, hey? She’s got a couple of short travel memoirs out, set in Yosemite National Park, and has built a solid freelance editing business. If you have a manuscript (or other) in need of some love, drop Jeri a line.

Next, author Nadine Christian (of the Fletcher Christians) came to hang out, and shared all about life on the remote and remarkable Pitcairn Island. Nadine has since staged her own mutiny – okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme – and moved to New Zealand earlier this year. Her Twitter feed photos of her five kids experiencing life in a big city for the first time is a riot.

Chickybus’s Lisa Egle spun through my site about a year ago to talk about one of our favorite things: female solo travel. In 2014, Lisa spent time in Colombia and has put up some fantastic photos and posts about her visit. If that’s a country that interests you, you’ll find more here.

In the travel post Vacation Clothing Essentials, I shared my love for merino wool in all temperatures, freezing cold and blazing hot. An add-on for any of you who are bothered by the itchy factor (which is usually minimal already in a good merino piece): I/O Merino has gathered a bunch of sheep and conditioned the hell out of their sheepy hair – bottle after bottle of Pantene – and as a result, their clothes are beyond soft. I road-tested a t-shirt that was sent to me right before my recent SE Asia trip, and man, it was like wearing jammies. P.S. They’re having a HUGE end-of-year sale right now. HUGE.

It might be stupid to give away intel on my finds of amazing and relatively deserted spots around the globe, but that’s just what I did with Gilligan’s Island in Belize. I’m sad to report that Tobacco Caye has now been approved for a supermall, and construction is due to start in 2015. Noooooo, that’s not true. Actually, it has been completely submerged by rising water levels, a fatality of global warming. Nooooo, that’s not true either. It’s in fine shape, and I’d still advise that if you’re going to Belize and don’t like the vibe of Ambergris Caye (where most people go), head a little further south and you will be richly rewarded.

Finally, it was back in 2011 when I first published a post called Love in the Time of Saran Wrap, all about how the only thing that survived my long-term relationship with a guy named Hank was a 2500-foot roll of plastic wrap. At the time of writing, that roll was 15 years old. A year later, my husband Francis emphatically stated that he wanted to start his own roll of plastic wrap with me, and gifted me with 2000 feet for Christmas. It took until August of 2014 for the christening of that one, meaning that the old Hank roll lived to be nearly 18 years. Respectable for any relationship, I’d say, but my instinct tells me that the new roll will go further.

Stay tuned for another spin of this format in a couple of weeks, where I’ll do updates that are focused on mental health news follow-ups.

Thank you for being here, and I wish you a divine and prosperous 2015, in the way that’s most meaningful to you.

Photo of Asian elephant: By Yathin S Krishnappa (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Neediest Tissue Box in Ho Chi Minh City (and other photos)

By Laura Zera 14 Comments

Another selection of photos from my recent trip to Vietnam; this time, some of my favorites of Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon). With a population of about 8 million, there is almost one motorbike for every second person, and the “moto life” is a culture all unto itself. Also interesting was the Reunification Palace, where visitors step into a time machine and travel back to see exactly what this perfectly preserved place looked like on the day Saigon fell, back in 1975.

So hard to choose... — So hard to choose…

A Comms Room at the Reunification Palace

A rather delusional view of the relationship

Like a motorcycle gang, but not — Like a gang, but not

And motos breed the need for this — Motos breed the need for this

Determined not to get sun damage: mask, hoodie, gloves, apron and... stilettos — Determined not to get sun damage: mask, hoodie, gloves, apron and… stilettos

Explaining why American soldiers didn't fit in the tunnels — Explaining why American soldiers didn’t fit into the wee tunnels

Things to See Between Hue and Hoi An, Vietnam

By Laura Zera 8 Comments

I’ve got some new visuals from Vietnam this week, having juts spent the last two there. While the long-and-skinny-ness of the country forced a few more flights than I like to normally utilize for getting from A to B, my husband and I decided to take advantage of the scenic drive between Hue and Hoi An (in central Vietnam).

Our hotel in Hue, the spiffy clean Serene Palace, provided two options: public bus, or a $65 private car. A backpacker at heart, I wandered into a hostel around the corner, knowing they’d have less expensive tour itineraries. For $11 each, Francis and I booked a mini-bus tour with Tannhat Travel to take us (and one other guy from Korea) the 140 kilometers, but with an English-speaking guide and four stops en route.

First up was the village of Thanh Toan, just outside Hue. Highlights there included the local market, the carved-wood Japanese-style covered bridge, and the teeny tiny woman in the museum, who turned the tutorial on traditional rice farming into a memorable five-act play.

Next we made a pit stop at Lang Co Bay. Given that the resort hotel was dead quiet and there wasn’t another soul on the beach, it seems like the public toilet in the souvenir shop is what sees the most action these days.

Our diesel mini-bus chugged up some serious switchbacks to deliver us to Hải Vân Pass, which means “ocean cloud” in Vietnamese, and sits at an elevation of 500 meters (1627 feet). The trickiness of the road has led to the construction of a tunnel for regular commuters, but the views keep the tourists coming. Notable was an old brick structure that was pock-marked with war wounds.

The final destination was the Marble Mountains, which lie just outside the city of Da Nang. After climbing the main staircase to the top of one of the five mountains, caves, tunnels, buddhist sanctuaries and an Australian high school rappelling expedition all came into view.

That’s all for now. Hope you enjoyed these. My current location is Siem Reap so stay tuned for some Cambodia posts, too!

p.s. I will end with a small cat on a chair.

Carving shops at the foot of the mountains

Things, They Are A Changin’

By Laura Zera 18 Comments

It could be that November is the new spring. Well, I’m going with it, because I’ve just made some big changes.

One is that I’ve updated the look of my website. It’s not perfect yet, but it’s pretty darn beautiful, wouldn’t you say? (The theme is actually called “Beautiful.”) I designed with the help of developer Barb Drozdowich. If you have feedback of any sort, go on, sling it at me like mashed potatoes in a school cafeteria food fight.

The second thing is that Barb helped me move my subscriber lists to MailChimp. The blog post notifications that go out will look different. If you got this post via email, it’s because at one time or another, you subscribed on my old site. And if you don’t want to get them (there will be between two and four per month), then there’s an Unsubscribe link at the bottom of the email for you.

You know how when you launch new things, there’s sometimes a glitch here and there? I hope we don’t have any, but if we do, let me know so I can fix it.

Not so much a change, more of an update here: I’ve started the agent search for my memoir manuscript. I’ve had three rejections so far, with the incredibly tough memoir market cited as the primary reason (as in: publishers aren’t buying them). But they were filled with encouragement: “you have a strong voice,” “the writing is just wonderful,” and “there is much to be appreciated here.” So, what I need is to find my lobster agent, just like Rachel found her lobster in Ross on Friends.

That’s all for now. Hope all is well with you. If you’ve got any news to share, let’s chat in the site’s comments section. And, as always, thanks for being here. You make this blogging stuff fun.

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Ghomeshi’s Hiring of Criminal Lawyer is More Intimidation

By Laura Zera 22 Comments

The Jian Ghomeshi story has made me angry. I’m in good company. And now, with his recent hiring of Marie Henein, a criminal defense lawyer, there is even more reason to be pissed off.

I don’t need to recap CBC radio star Ghomeshi’s recent troubles, all stemming from allegations that his notion of foreplay is to choke a woman until she can’t breathe. It’s all here. And here. And here. Read, and be disgusted.

No criminal charges have been brought against Ghomeshi yet. But if you were him, and you wanted to scare the crap out of the women who are considering whether to go forward with cases against you, would you not hire a lawyer who has been likened to the scariest mind-wrecker ever brought to life in film? Henein’s former client Michael Bryant wrote this of his former defender: “She ‘seemed to channel Hannibal Lecter,’ Bryant wrote in his 2012 book, 28 Seconds. ‘So able was she to find a person’s deepest frailties and exploit them.’”

That’s just fantastic. Let’s make sure that every woman who has grounds to accuse Ghomeshi is damn clear that she would be psychologically ripped to shreds on the stand, and she would probably have nightmares and suffer from PTSD once Henein was done. Because getting demeaned, assaulted and intimidated by Ghomeshi the first time wasn’t bad enough.

Henein has a stellar track record. She gets glowing commendations from loads of people. She’s a kick-butt lawyer, and everyone deserves the best defense possible, yes. But there’s a reason Jian Ghomeshi hired her, “Hannibal Lecter,” NOW, before any charges have been filed: to scare Ghomeshi’s victims out of pursuing charges at all.

Men and women across Canada and the U.S. have responded preemptively, letting Ghomeshi’s (still mostly anonymous) accusers know that they have support. People like Margaret Atwood and Blue Rodeo’s Glenn Milchem have signed a rapidly expanding petition to express that support. It is clear that in the face of Ghomeshi’s continued use of intimidation, the women who are speaking out against him need to know that we will not let them be victimized again.

Have you been following the Jian Ghomeshi case? I’d love to hear your observations. And if you’d like to sign the petition, here is the link.

Travel: What About a Gap Year?

By Laura Zera 16 Comments

It’s funny how even simple concepts evolve to have different practical applications, depending on which part of the world you’re in. Take the idea of a gap year, for instance. The term originated in the U.K. in the 1960s, and it has basically always meant to go on a relatively unstructured overseas trip after high school. You might work (in a bar or a restaurant or a youth hostel), but just enough to earn the dough required to get to the next town or country.

In the traditional sense of the term “gap year,” it’s not what you do that’s important, it’s the overall life experience that matters. Meeting people from different cultures. Trying new things. Soaking it all up. Because let’s face it, when you’re 18, you’re either staring at a two- to four-year study program, or you’re starting a job, part-time or full-time. Either way, you’re about to become somebody else’s bitch.

A gap year is about not being anybody’s bitch.

(Like I said, you may work, but do you care about that job? No. Do you care if you get fired from that job? No. Do you sleep with your boss? Maybe. That’s just the way it goes.)

Sounds great, doesn’t it? So then why, oh why, do some countries insist on smushing that notion of a gap year right between their thumb and forefinger?

In Japan, the practice of matching students with jobs before graduation cuts the gap year off at its knees. (This would explain why it is that when you actually encounter Japanese travelers, they are usually chain smoking and prematurely grey.) The United States–the only advanced economy in the world that doesn’t guarantee its workers paid vacation, it’s worth noting– has turned a gap year into something of a higher pursuit. This quote comes from Wikipedia:

“During this gap year, American students engage in advanced academic courses, extra-academic courses and non-academic courses, such as yearlong pre-college math courses, language studies, learning a trade, art studies, volunteer work, travel, internships, sports and more, all for the purpose of improving themselves in knowledge, maturity, decision-making, leadership, independence, self-sufficiency and more, thus improving their resumes before going to college.”

Hold on, does that say “yearlong pre-college math courses?” And “improving themselves?” What blasphemy! It’s the same mentality that has one-year-olds on waiting lists for the “right” kindergarten. How about just going overseas to open your eyes, your mind and your soul, whilst leaving the hidden agenda at home, okay, campers?

Here’s the thing. The post-high school gap year is an opportunity like no other to be a free individual. You don’t have to worry about repaying student loans. You don’t have to worry about serious relationships. You don’t have to worry about having identified the perfect career. You’re still a kid. Go out and play, for God’s sake. (And use a condom.) All that other stuff will be waiting for you when you get home. What’s more, you will have had an education of the most deliciously insidious kind, one that really teaches you to assess and question, and that will stick with you for a lifetime. Can you say that about a pre-college math course?

Parents, I know you’re probably thinking that you can’t imagine sending your freshly graduated son or daughter out into the world in an “unstructured” way. It’s too dangerous, and they’re not ready for it, and they might get robbed (yup, they might). But if you’ve got a cherub-cheeked 18-year-old who still forgets to lock the back door when they go out and who has never grocery shopped or managed a budget, then IT’S EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THEY GO. Let them go, and cry on the ride home from the airport.

Inarguably, the year that most shaped the rest of my life was my gap year, when I traveled to Israel with a school friend. We lived and “worked” on a kibbutz. I was 18. I packed all wrong. I had nothing wise to contribute to conversations with my peers. I didn’t speak or read Hebrew. I suntanned with baby oil. Nobody (wrongly) worried about AIDS. I hitchhiked. The intifada started that year.

I also heard firsthand stories of apartheid from my peers. I learned to take care of babies. I picked up some Hebrew, and a handful of Swedish swear words. I discovered I like schnitzel. I floated in an inner tube down the Jordan River. I grew to know the streets of Old Jerusalem like the back of my hand. I met a woman who taught me about unconditional love.

In 2006, Lonely Planet ran what I think was a brilliant ad campaign. The slogan said “Do Something Great For Your Country. Leave.” On a gap year, you don’t have to know where you’re going to end up, or how you’re going to get there. You don’t need to be a master grocery shopper (hint: keep to the outer edges of the store). And you definitely shouldn’t have to be anybody’s bitch.

Your turn. Did you take a gap year? Do you wish you did? Do you have kids who are? Love it when you guys chime in.

Tips and Tools for the Sensory Defensive, Part II

By Laura Zera 8 Comments

Going to sling one final post at you with information on the condition known as “sensory defensiveness.” If you haven’t heard about this condition, you can find the basics in my introductory post on what it means to be sensory defensive. The first batch of tips and tools are in this Part I post.

Today, I’m covering the last part of Dr. Sharon Heller’s book Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight. The reason I’ve devoted three posts to sensory defensiveness is because I suspect there are more of us walking around with it than we realize. I hadn’t heard of it until recently, but boy, do some of the triggers resonate! And as I mentioned in Part I, even if you’re not sensory defensive, Dr. Heller’s tools are helpful all the way around for living well, and living well means living healthy and living long.

These points are taken from the section titled “Removing Treatment Obstacles.”

Your GI tract is highly sensitive (over 30 gut hormones!), and certain foods can exacerbate sensory defensiveness: caffeine, simple sugars, starches and high glycemic foods, to name the biggest culprits. Food allergies may also be lurking. To test for this, start by eliminating all sugar, alcohol, wheat, dairy and corn from your diet for three weeks, then slowly reintroduce them, one at a time. You might be surprised by what you find; I was.
Sensory defensives often suffer from leaky gut syndrome, candida overgrowth, and acidity. Maintaining balance in the gut is vital for modulating your nervous system and managing sensory defensiveness. Remember the song that goes “hip bone is connected to the thigh bone,” and then take it even further.
In the chronically tense body that is the bane of most sensory defensives, breathing tends toward fast and shallow. Practice breathing from the diaphragm instead of the chest. To go a bit deeper (pun intended), look into special exercise that use alternate nostrils, Pranayama or Ujjayi breathing. There are lots of techniques to try, and all will lead to a more relaxed mind and body.
Tense body often means poor posture. Does your neck hurt? Tight shoulders? Do you feel frozen in your current posture? Heller recommends a variety of bodywork: craniosacral therapy (especially good for TMJ), neurocranial restructuring, Tragerwork and Rolfing. (She also mentions massage, but I’ll tell you from firsthand experience, massage rarely results in permanent structural change the way these other modalities can.)
After bodywork, how about retraining your movement to match your new posture so the results stay with you forevah? Some to check into are Feldenkrais, Hanna Somatic Education, the Alexander Technique, yoga, Qi Gong, and bioenergetics. Spoiler: somewhere along the way, you might be told to ditch those four-inch stilettos. Consider yourself forewarned.
Another avenue for deep relaxation is mind-body practices. Progressive relaxation, where you start at your head or feet and then clench and release each major muscle group one at a time is a good one. Another is meditation, where you move your focus away from thoughts and onto sensations. Both have major medical results: lower blood pressure, a slower heart rate, relaxed muscles, and slower brain waves. Bonus: you can practice them at your desk, on the subway, or during the Annual General Meeting of <insert organization of your choice here.>
Hypnotherapy, where you are deeply relaxed and open to suggestion, can be effective in desensitizing a sensory defensive to fear, phobias and pain. Look for someone trained in analytical hypnotherapy; this approach regresses you so you can tap into buried memories or emotions that might be playing a role in your stimuli responses.

Some of the practices listed above might be foreign and freaky sounding to you, as they were to me. I felt it was important to list them because each one works differently, although sometimes the differences are subtle. But because they are different, they also work well together, as part of an integrated approach. Just trust me on this. The more you play in this sandbox, the more you’ll find yourself dipping your toes into multiple pools (and yes, I freaking LOVE mixing my metaphors).

If your mind and body are suffering a little or a lot, these practices are worth exploring. And don’t be discouraged if sometimes it feels like the changes are too big to handle. Bite off a bit at a time, and course correct as needed. Wellness is a continual journey, because your body is always changing.

Are any of these tools your personal faves, or on your to-do list? What has your experience with them been?

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