Google “pug” and you will read that they are charming, even-tempered, fun-loving clowns. But there are some things about pugs that no one ever thinks to talk about. But me? I think about these things. And I’m going to tell you.
I’ve used my three pugs — Ozwald (1997-2007), Yolanda (2005-2015) and Phoebe (who we just brought home on May 3, 2015) — to create a handy benchmark chart of some of the kinds of things you can expect when you own a pug.
| Trait | Ozwald |
Yolanda |
Phoebe |
| Farting | Like a boss | Almost never | Selective and deadly |
| Obsessive licking of the air |
No |
Is 30-40 minutes at a time obsessive? | No |
| Obsessive licking of the furniture and floor | No | Is 30-40 minutes at a time obsessive? | No |
| Obsessive licking of you | No | “Quit licking my boobs” was a common refrain in my house | No |
| Anal glands that leave potato-painting-like imprints on your clothes and stink like three-week-old unrefrigerated fish in the height of summer | Yes | Yes | Yes |
| Plays “crazy pug” (tail tucks under body, pug rounds itself until it looks like a bloated tick, runs around in zig-zag patterns then falls to ground in a heap after 20 seconds) | Yes | Yes | Yes |
| Snores | Like a freight train | Like two freight trains | Like a diesel bus |
| Displays food aggression around other animals | Insta-Cujo | Like Billy Idol, but mean | After two pugs, the cat has finally learned to stay away from the pug’s food dish, so we haven’t seen Phoebe flip her lid *yet* |
| Comes when called | Yes | Never | Never gets far away enough from me to need to be called |
| Runs the other way when called | No | Always | No |
| Bark sounds like The Hamburglar | Yes | Yes | Yes |
| Sleeps while sitting up | Yes | Yes, until she fell over | Yes |
| Would make nail trims a fight to the death | Yes. Was refused service at two grooming establishments. | No, but she liked it better than getting a thermometer up her butt | No, but shakes like a pudgy little leaf |
| Good on road trips | Even liked to sleep in a tent | I’d almost forget I had a dog in the car | As long as the air-con is cranked |
| Proficient at “pug love” (sits like mushy lump on lap) | Yes, except see “Anal glands” above | No (see above under “Obsessive licking”) | Yes, and makes happy pug sounds |
| Ears full of wax | Like the La Brea Tar Pits. Stock up on Q-Tips. | ||
| Brave and courageous | Afraid of rejection (but aren’t we all?) | Afraid of round metal pizza pan | Afraid of airplanes overhead, sneezes, parked cars, the vacuum cleaner, the microwave door and black-and-white tile flooring |
| Loyal and faithful | Always there for me. Sensed when I was depressed and stayed ridiculously close during those periods. | Even when she ran in the other direction, I always knew she’d come back. Because I had the food. And I knew how to rub her belly the way she really liked. | She’s been with me for a week, and she’s already Velcro |
| Forever changed my life for the better | YES | YES | YES |
Are you a pug owner? I’d love it if you shared something strange and/or lovable about your pug!
