depression Archives - Laura Zera

We Have “Awareness” Months Because We Need Them

It’s one sleep since the end of Mental Health Awareness Month and the beginning of Pride Month. As we transition between these two important markers, I’m remembering all the times I’ve heard comments from people to the effect of, “I don’t care what they have/what they are. I just don’t need to know about it.”

It’s okay, this “do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home” approach. It’s miles better than the “lynch anyone who is different” approach. But it’s a viewpoint that comes from a place of never having had to fight against exclusion or discrimination. And my quick response has become this: put yourself in our shoes. Imagine what it’s like to have to hide who you are, every day, everywhere, because you’ll be punished by some sector of society if you don’t. That’s why we talk about mental health in May and LGBTQ rights in June every year. We’re not oversharing and being show-boaty. We’re fighting for our lives. That’s not a dramatic overstatement.

A few spin-off thoughts and somewhat-related notes.

My nephew alerted me to the fact that one day, we may be going on a magic mushroom trip to cure depression, a treatment I’m more than willing to be a study participant for, in case anyone is looking for guinea pigs.

I’m coming out soon about having depression and fronting as a high-functioning adult in a very big publication that will possibly be read by every potential future employer of mine, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ll share it on June 22.

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to help children who are in vulnerable situations – troubled families with dysfunctional parents. If we don’t help the kids, they become adults who, best case, develop resilience (after a ton of work), or, worst case, major health issues (and never live their best lives), or sometimes both. The Hart family murders has been a trigger for me, because it was preventable. I don’t have the answers, but I’d like to hear ideas and anecdotes from anyone who has experience in the space of working with children from troubled families, and how to help them without necessarily removing them from their family.

How ‘bout that gene testing? Is 23andMe setting itself up to be a next-wave health diagnosis and treatment tool? It’s certainly been a discovery process for me, once I uploaded the raw data from their site into a couple of third-party sites. This is where it gets parsed into readable reports with much more info than what you get in the canned 23andMe reports. And this is where I discovered I have a double mutation of the MTHFR gene, something that’s linked to — drumroll, please – anxiety and depression. My learning from that, including treatment protocols, will be part of a future blog post.

My final thought. We’re in fraught times in parts of the world. Lead with love. Even when you want to punch someone. I bought slippers to remind myself.

Your thoughts? I don’t like to have the last word.

On Depression, Getting Published, and Not Giving Up

By Laura Zera 22 Comments

I haven’t posted much lately, but it’s not just my blog to which my recent rut of doom has extended. Depression doesn’t judge or pick favorites. It squashes everything – gym time, social outings, work motivation, romanticalness and creativity. It asphyxiates joy. It really sucks.

This isn’t a sad blog post, I promise. But I do have a few things I want to say to those who are going through depression at this exact second.

I know how hard it is to believe things will get better. Hold on to the idea-pillow that how you feel right now is not how you will feel forever. Take comfort by reflecting on who you really are—seek evidence from your past–and that you will return to your old self. One day, it will be easier again, and you will laugh, and greet strangers, and have energy, and think, “life is astounding and awesome.”

At the same time, life is a gig that requires stubborn persistence, both to get through depression, and to realize dreams. You must repeat the word “persistence” to yourself at least 106 times a day until it takes a permanent seat at your dinner sofa.

Two examples where persistence actually worked the fuck out

At the end of 2016, I wrote I was doubling my medication dose to try and get over the depression hump. It worked for a short while, and then it didn’t and I felt like a steaming pile of self-loathing shit. But if there’s one thing I’ve realized in all these years of paying attention to my mood, it’s that OHMYGOD, human beings are complicated.

Our parts are so interconnected that a twitch can tip something out of balance. It’s a never-ending puzzle, waiting for us to piece it together. Some days, this feels like an adventure, which is when you strike while the iron is hot, and other days, an affliction, which is when you nap.

Recently, iron hot, I laid down cash for gene testing. Lo and behold, I have a specific (A1298C) gene mutation that severely limits my body’s ability to metabolize folate, an essential B vitamin. It’s also linked to depression and nervous system issues. Long story short, I started taking a prescription dose (7.5 mg) of L-methyfolate (the active form of folate), which is actually used for treatment-resistant depression. After only a few days, my mood and energy have shifted enormously. And this has occurred because my naturopathic doctor hung in there, and I held on to the baby-blanket-ragged faith that there was more to discover about neurodiverse me.

Now for the depressed writer (I know a lot of you personally): I have an essay about a life-altering encounter that I’ve been working on for years. I wrote the first draft in early 2013. I wrote the second draft in 2014. I finally submitted it in January 2015. It was rejected. I tried news magazines and they said it was too literary. I tried literary magazines and they said it wasn’t deep enough. Last August, I had an editor at one lit mag offer to read it a second time if I made (his suggested) revisions. I gave it a shot; he rejected it again. Some writing friends critiqued the essay and I did more revisions. I submitted it to more places and received more rejections. Then I met the editor in person at a conference, and he offered to read it a third time. I worked on it for another month and sent it off to him, the essay’s twelfth submission in all.

It was accepted (and will be published in April). It was accepted because I didn’t give up on it.

My dopamine-deprived pals, the thing to note here is that my internal monologue is often that I’m not good enough for what it is that I desire. I can easily be the person who takes her toys and clears out of the sandbox if things don’t go her way. I did it in 1995 when I wanted an international development job in Vancouver and couldn’t find one. I did it again in 2007 when I wanted an international microfinance job in Seattle and came in second for two different roles. Gave up. Shut it down. Moved on.

Except the thing is, you never really move on. If that thing you want is part of your heart and soul, it will stick harder than the double-sided tape on Jennifer Lopez’s boobs during the 2000 Grammy Awards.

If you have a peach pit of faith in something, despite the “stated” odds, or a feeling that as crazy as your particular notion seems, it is meant to be, hang on to it. Hang the fuck on. Feed it and stoke it and dress it in a warm, fuzzy kangaroo onesie so it never leaves. Do not give up. Please. To give up on it is to give up on you.

This faith stuff isn’t easily explained. It’s a tad mysterious. It’s also our roadmap. You just have to listen for it inside you. And, yes, drive with your headlights off and your contact lenses out. I know, it’s a ridiculous, skewed, illogical test, all to learn something that you screwed up in another life. But can you name a better reason for being here?

We need you to not give up. At the end, I’ll mail you a $25 Visa gift card. I promise.

Images courtesy of Unsplash

Sometimes You Need Medication: A Response to 2016

By Laura Zera 15 Comments

This year has been an endless stream of sucker punches: every time we think it couldn’t get any worse, BAM, uppercut to the jaw. I barely have any teeth left.

No matter your political views, news sources and musical tastes, it’s hard to evade the gloom that has descended around the globe. And if you’re predisposed to or are a chronic depression sufferer like me, then these are exceptionally wonky-inducing times. Yes, wonky, which, by the way, encompasses the following:

feeling like you should do something – anything – to improve the global/local/family situation, but you are paralyzed and/or exhausted
feeling agitated but overwhelmed by global/local/family events
feeling numb, like you’re in a movie (“surreal” was Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year for 2016, because of the serious spikes in look-ups that followed major events)
feeling like you want to hide under the bed covers until ___________ <insert year>
waking up in the middle of the night, sure that the end of the world is imminent
feeling sensory stimulation overload – too much noise, lights, smells, information
feeling like Grumpy Cat

If you’ve followed this blog, you’ll know I’ve written quite a lot about causal linkages and complementary treatments for depression: nutrition, gut microbes, yoga and meditation, neurofeedback, exercise, blue light therapy, vitamins and supplements, you name it. All good stuff. I work all these angles for my own depression.

However, sometimes you may find those treatments help you stay in minimally functioning mode, but they don’t get you over the hump and back to better living.

What hump, you ask. Ahhhh. See, this is where I lost track of the bouncing mental health ball myself until last week. The hump is the creep. Whaaaat? (I’m not messing with you, seriously.)

There’s only one creep at this party (okay, yes, there’s two…). The creep we’re talking about is the onset of a cycle of depression. Even for the most aware and experienced, sometimes you get stuck on the hump and depression creeps up.

These are the times to look at medication. If you’ve been on it before, do you need to go back on it? If you’re currently on it, do you need to adjust the dose or try something else? If you’ve never been on it, but nothing you’re trying is working and you are feeling SO WONKY, do you need to explore medication as an option?

The reason I’m posting about this is simple: I’ve been talking to doctors and therapists about my brain for 30 years, and I’ve been on antidepressants for 20. I’m pretty darn self-aware. There ain’t nothing that’s my first rodeo (except an actual rodeo). And yet, I still don’t always notice when I’m stuck on the hump. Depression can be such a creep.

A medication adjustment came up as a side conversation in a recent visit to my doctor. Not because I said I was feeling wonky. Not because I identified that I needed help. Because I ate a protein bar, went for a three-mile walk and had such a severe sugar crash in the middle, I had to summon an Uber driver to take me back to my car. (Bonus: he gave me a Snickers.) Low serotonin is linked to low blood sugar. Whaaaaat? YES. I was surprised by this, even after all of my research and I-am-my-own-guinea-pig experiments.

My doctor increased my medication dose, and a week later, I feel SO MUCH LESS WONKY.

Yoga, meditation, healthy food, supplements, exercise: yes, yes, yes, yes. Any other alternative and complementary therapies you use to combat depression: yes, yes, yes, yes. We are warriors, all of us. But even the strongest warrior can only handle so many body blows. Sometimes the most effective and compassionate solution is right in front of us and we don’t see it. And that, in a nutshell, is 2016.

Wishing you a heart-centered, joy-filled, small-humped 2017.

Much love,

Creative Commons images: Grumpy Cat by Gage Skidmore; Yosemite by Luke Pamer; warrior by Henry Hustava

Mental Health: Depression Linked to Inflammation, Gut Bacteria

By Laura Zera 21 Comments

What is going on in our bellies may matter more than we knew to our brains. Two interesting depression-related studies were reported earlier this year: the first links depression to inflammation, the second researches depression in the context of the “gut-brain axis.”

A summary of the inflammation research is found in The Guardian, under the title “Is Depression a Kind of Allergic Reaction?” To me, the title is misleading. People can have allergies to all kinds of foods. Inflammation, however—and possibly the associated depression—is caused by crap food. You want to live on starchy carbs and processed foods? Then you are going to puff out like a condom-turned-balloon in the hands of a ten-year-old. Fill your face with things that are fresh, raw and unprocessed and you will fare much better, as I first wrote about in this post on brain food.

The Guardian article also suggests, rather hopefully, that a shift in the perception of depression from being a mental illness to a physical one could relieve the ongoing stigma that is attached to the illness. Author Caroline Williams writes, “This time, though, the target is not any kind of brain or mind-based weakness but a basic feature of everyone’s body that could strike anyone down given the right – or wrong – turn of events. And if that doesn’t inspire a greater sympathy and understanding, then nothing will.” I like the idea of our society arriving at a place where depression no longer carries stigma, but the mind vs. body debate does still seem to be infused with discrimination in that it categorizes a body illness as more acceptable than a brain illness in the first place. How about compassion for all?

First things first, though: let’s focus on keeping our bodies and brains healthy through better diet. And possibly add in oral supplements of omega 3 oil and curcumin, both known to have anti-inflammatory effects. I’ve been working on diet improvement for two years now. Do I see a difference? Unequivocally, YES.

On to the gut-brain axis, which is decidedly less evil and more scientific than the axis between Iran, Iraq and North Korea that George W. Bush introduced in back in ’02. Phew. Good on it, I say.

Scientific American published Charles Schmidt’s article “Mental Health May Depend on Creatures in the Gut” in February, which points out that this idea goes back more than a hundred years. More recently, oodles of studies have been conducted using mice, with some pretty amazing results. For example, mice injected with the gut microbiomes of humans with mood disorders soon start to exhibit the same behaviors. Translated into mice-world stuff, this meant they began exhibiting anxiety over jumping down from one platform to another, which leaves me wondering: if humans with mood disorders were injected with healthy mice microbiomes, would they eventually become Olympic-level divers?

One of my favorite parts of this article is delivered via the research of John Cryan, a neuroscientist at University College Cork in Ireland. He recently published a study in which two varieties of Bifidobacterium produced by his lab were more effective than escitalopram (the antidepressant Lexapro) at treating anxious and depressive behavior in a lab mouse strain known for pathological anxiety. Hurray, make way for the development of psychobiotics, live organisms comprised not only of probiotics but also other bacteria known to produce psychotropic signals such as serotonin and dopamine. The research has a ways to go yet, so in the meantime, a good quality brand of probiotics from your local vitamin shop could go a long way to making you feel better, in both body and brain.

Have you experimented with diet change and/or the use of supplements for the benefit of your mood? I’d love to hear from you!

Depression as a Dinner Table Topic

By Laura Zera 2 Comments

This week, I’m using my airplane-exit-row hands to direct you over to Matthew Peter’s blog. A fellow mental health services consumer and wellness advocate, Matt has been an important voice in the conversation and education around dual diagnosis (which he wrote about on my website back in June). I’m grateful that he’s created space for me to highlight something I feel quite passionate about, and that is the need to extend the “depression conversation” to include your kids if you’ve got a case of it in your home. It may not sound like a good idea initially, but I explain my rationale here: Depression as a Dinner Table Topic.

Thank you for reading and sharing!

Mental Health Resources for Kids

By Laura Zera 14 Comments

Having just spent a morning speaking to AP Psychology students at a local high school this week, I thought it would be a fitting time to highlight a few mental health resources for children and youth. When I was growing up, there were few to no places for me to go to talk to a qualified adult or peer counselor about my turbulent home life, so I find it incredibly heartening when I learn of the variety of programs that are out there now. I hope their posters are plastered all over the doors and walls at every school in the communities they serve!

Events

First up, because it’s coming up soon, and is always the kick-off to Mental Health Week in Canada, is the Walk So Kids Can Talk. Planned for May 4, 2014 at locations all over Canada, the Walk is a fundraiser for the Kids Help Phone (see below). You can join a team, walk individually, donate online – it’s your choice!

The National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day will be May 8, 2014 in the United States. Events are organized by community groups and health organizations, and while I don’t see anything posted for 2014 yet, here’s a list of the events held across the country in 2013, and by whom.

Help Phones

Kids Help Phone is a 24/7 free, anonymous and professional counselling service supporting the mental and emotional well-being of kids ages five to 20 across Canada. If you want to understand why a line like this is so important, here’s an example of a recent (and real) call: Kevin Helps a Friend Being Bullied.

Australia has a similar resource, called Kids Helpline. It’s also available seven days a week, 24 hours a day.

In the U.S., both of the kids help lines I found are faith-based (when I was a teenager, this would have been enough to dissuade me from calling). The one run by Covenant House is called the Nineline Crisis Hotline, and is not currently operational (calls are being rerouted to the National Runaway Safeline). The other is run by Boys Town, a Catholic organization, and is still in service.

The U.S. also has the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for people of all ages, and TXT 4 Help, where teens who feel they’re in danger can send a text, and in return will be sent location details of the nearest designated “Safe Place” (fire stations, libraries, fast food restaurants, YMCAs, Boys and Girls Clubs, convenience stores, and other businesses all serve as Safe Place sites in different communities). There, a Safe Place volunteer or agency staff member will meet them to talk.

Programs

It has been a couple of years since I ran across the Kids in Control and Teens in Control programs, run by the British Columbia Schizophrenia Society as a resource for children who have a parent with schizophrenia. I hope to write more about this program in the future; it looks quite amazing.

It’s the 21^st century, and resources have to be designed to meet teens where they already go. OK2Talk.org has done that by creating a unique Tumblr site. Although geared toward teens and young adults who suffer from mental illness, anyone can add their voice by sharing creative content such as poetry, inspirational quotes, photos, videos, song lyrics and messages of support in a safe, moderated space.

Another organization that is utilizing the digital world for its delivery of services is WesForYouthOnline.ca. A recent Aviva Community Fund grand prize winner in the At-Risk Youth category, this Ontario-based organization was recognized for its efforts in using an online counseling model, as well as for plans to build a local center that will offer face-to-face services and meet-ups. It’s a fantastic example of community members who saw a need and then went to work creating the solution themselves.

The U.S. federal government is behind Caring For Every Child’s Mental Health, and while I’m not sure about the availability of interactive resources, they have published a number of topical papers and links for young adults to help with the transition into adulthood.

I spent a bit of time looking for a youth-oriented program offered through the U.S.’s National Alliance on Mental Illness, but everything I found mentioned that it was for those who are 18 and over. What they do have, though, is a two hour in-service program for teachers (and parents, presumably those who help out in the classrooms), aimed at helping them identify and respond to early warning signs of mental illness in children. It’s called Parents & Teachers as Allies.

That’s my start to a round-up of mental health resources for kids. I will try to keep this list updated on an annual basis by checking that these resources are still available and adding new ones.

If you know of any other resources, anywhere in the world, that are targeted to children, teens or young adults, please share them in the comments section below.

Mental Health: Mobile Technology Use in Developing Countries

By Laura Zera 15 Comments

In developing countries, almost everybody has a cell phone, and sometimes two or three to take maximum advantage of network coverage across different carriers. Not all phones are operational all the time; the predominant use of prepaid plans means that sometimes people let their minutes run out until they can afford to reload the phone. But where personal computers are still an anomaly, mobile handsets have become ubiquitous, and for good reason: they’re less expensive than other (computing) devices, increasingly “smart” and multifunctional, and both durable and portable for long and dusty trips from village to city and back again.

Erecting cell booster antenna - Northern Cameroon — Erecting cell booster antenna – N. Cameroon

For these reasons, problem solvers in the Global South turned to mobile technology before it had even caught fire in the North. In the banking industry, mobile payment operations started as far back as 2000, for example. Soon, ideas for mobile solutions for agriculture and education and health care were all popping up, and I’m pleased to see that this is now extending into the mental health arena.

Some of this momentum is being driven by dollars from the Government of Canada. Through an agency called Grand Challenges Canada, it was announced last week that more than seven million dollars has been allocated for 22 global mental health projects worldwide. These projects are delivered by local in-country agencies and institutions (a very important aspect, in my opinion).

Of the initiatives that were chosen for a grant, 13 of them include deployments of mobile phone technologies. Uses will include things such as screening and referral tools, and training and support for lay health workers (defined as those who carry out functions related to healthcare delivery, but have no formal professional or paraprofessional certificate or tertiary education degree).

The practical reality of mental health care delivery in the developing world is that the majority of services will come through lay health workers. As Grand Challenge’s press release states, there are fewer than 30 psychiatrists for 10 million people in Haiti, and data from other countries would reflect similar ratios. Ramping up the number of professionals in specialty areas takes too long, so community health care workers are the most available and direct way to create a greater availability of services. With mobile technology, these generalists will have more specialized resources at their fingertips, via a device that they probably already own.

The entire list of projects and related links and contacts is available on this Global Mental Health Media Information Sheet. It’s an interesting mix, and the geographic diversity is sure to lead to some unique challenges and results. I plan to follow up on some of them in the future.

Have you run across a mobile application that is designed specifically for mental health? Do you have field experience delivering mental health services in the Global South? All thoughts and feedback is appreciated!

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Haiti photo: Wiki Commons by Marcello Casal Jr, ABr

Mental Health: Depression Risk Starts Before Birth

By Laura Zera 4 Comments

Happy pregnancy, happier baby? Yes, according to a recent report on a UK study. At age 18, the children of mothers who had depression during pregnancy were found to be 1.3 times more likely than normal to develop depression themselves.

The data came from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children, which is hosted by the University of Bristol. More than 14,000 mothers were enrolled during pregnancy in 1991 and 1992, and the study has tracked the health of their children ever since (oh, how I love me a good longitudinal study. We need some to study the long-term effects of psychotropic drugs!).

To make the depression association, the study followed the children of more than 8,000 mothers who had pre- or post-natal depression. The findings were published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA).

In response to the findings, lead researcher Dr. Rebecca Pearson told the BBC that “depression in pregnancy should be taken seriously and treated in pregnancy,” with Professor Carmine Pariante of King’s College London’s Institute of Psychiatry making the case for treatment during pregnancy as a preventive measure to help alleviate suffering in the next generation.

Pain and suffering aside for a moment, there could be potential cash savings in this approach. In software development, it’s well understood that the earlier you discover bugs in the development lifecycle, the lower the cost of fixing them later. Even better, pump up the quality in the very beginning of development, and you won’t have bugs to fix later. Health can be viewed the same way. The earlier we find the illness, the less costly it is to treat, but it’s even less expensive to devote financial resources to prevention and nip it before it buds, right?

The concept of a pregnant woman’s depression affecting her fetus makes perfect sense to me, as Mum’s chemistry is the baby’s chemistry, to a large degree. So, mummies-to-be, if you’re dealing with depression during your trimesters, don’t feel shy to seek help. You could be doing your future child a huge favor at the same time that you’re taking care of yourself.

Has anyone had experience with pre-natal depression? I feel like I’ve heard much more about post-partum, so I’d be really interested to hear about symptoms, issues and treatments that come into play for ladies with living lumps.

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