Dear SkyMall, if you continue to sell the things you sell, people are going to continue to ridicule you. Sure, those pet doors look quite useful and I even kind of like the Hobbit rings, but the Bed-Bug-Thwarting Sleeping Cocoon? You might just try to sell someone A NEW MATTRESS instead.
Here are a few of my top picks for today’s forehead-slapping moment.
Remember pet rocks? Well, now for just $24.95, you can get one that even tells you it loves you! Because that’s what humans crave. Rocks that love them. Or, you can give it to your amour, because as one SkyMall reviewer wrote, it’s “even better than saying ‘I love you.’” Uh, no, I don’t actually think it is, dude. (This same reviewer also said he’s been married for 21 years, so maybe this stupid rock really does work.) A different reviewer listed one of the product’s cons as “huge” and “would have preferred the size of an egg.” Is he shy about his love? At any rate, I think the whole concept would be much more effective if it didn’t have “Written in stone” etched on it and in quotation marks. I guess they really wanted to drive the point home. Wham, like a rock to the head.
I don’t want to pick on people with hair-loss issues—I imagine that it can really suck (personally, I have a hair growth issue, as in, it’s growing on my chin and out of my nose). That said, if you fall into the trap of paying $695 for a pair of audio speakers, then perhaps a full head of hair would only serve to block the signals you’ve been getting from the aliens telling you to wear this bloody thing and dance naked in the front yard (please, don’t post photos). The igrow Hair Rejuvenation Laser’s iPod/MP3 compatibility is a well-liked feature, however. All of the reviews for this product comment on how nice it is to listen to music; there’s nothing written to say that this helmet actually makes your hair grow.
Do you ever worry about your sneakers leaving marks on your walls when you do Achilles stretches? Me neither. But if you have 30 bucks to trade for something that will eventually make a good chew toy for your dog, then the FootSmart SmartFlexx is for you. This highly-engineered device purports to relieve pain associated with plantar fasciitis, Achilles tendonitis, ankle strain, arch pain and other chronic conditions, and it may well do so. Or, you could just use the wall to do the stretches like everybody has been doing forever.
What’s your favorite SkyMall product (in the context of ‘completely ridiculous’ as opposed to ‘favorite’)? Or have you bought something from the catalog that turned out to be a winner? (We won’t laugh at you if you tell us. Okay, maybe we will, but just a little).