I found a really compelling post from Danielle LaPorte in my inbox yesterday called “The Courageous Minority.” It talks about why settling for mediocrity over fulfillment is poison for your soul. I totally agree. Totally. Love love love Danielle LaPorte. I’m also LaPorte’s target audience. And as a person with a mood disorder who survived a traumatic childhood, I want to take a moment and do a few add-ons to what she says about mediocrity, and to consider the non-linear association between “safe” and “mediocre.”
Danielle’s post opens with this:
Most people will proceed as planned. They’ll stay quiet, suppress their doubts with rationality. They’ll make the choice to save money, save face, not rock the boat. Don’t want to disappoint people. There’s a lot on the line. I said I would, so I should.
Safe. The road to mediocre is always really…safe.
And in terms of fulfillment, ‘safe’ is really, really dangerous.
The vital rallying cry here is that if you feel like you’re not living your best life, then pay attention to that feeling and do something about it. Don’t play safe. Life’s too short to play safe. But, and, however!!! There are also times when you need to play safe, and so don’t beat yourself up about that, either. I say this as a person who is highly ambitious with a perfectionist drive, rooted in the message of “you’re not enough.” I have been through phases where I shat on myself for not being more courageous, even when I was as courageous as I could emotionally manage at the time. Yuck. As Tom Petty says, “don’t do me like that.”
One thing that strikes me as a large factor in courageous-move-making is TIMING. Sometimes it takes a while – three months, three years – to plan a big change. Sometimes you can only juggle one change at a time, and so other things get backburnered while you replant your feet and get steady (or steadier) again. The key is to keep what you want (to risk or change) on your radar. Don’t backburner it on your neighbor’s stove so that you lose sight of it, and start taking small steps toward it, even if you’re not ready to swing the whole deal.
Another thing is SUPPORT. Before you launch into change or risk-taking, line up your support structure, whether that be cash savings, or a back-up place to live, or engaging your posse of friends and family. Courageous people are rarely courageous all by themselves. I was reading how Mark Zuckerberg was recently awarded a Harvard degree, because as a student, he dropped out to run his new project, Facebook. It’s true that few groundbreaking things happen without big risks. It’s also easier to take big risks when you have a big support system. Obviously not everyone is going to have the resources Zuckerberg had when he opted to quit Harvard and roll the dice, but that doesn’t mean groundbreakers have to come from a place of privilege. Don’t forget about the side doors. Go around the gatekeepers. And if you don’t have obvious resources, be resourceful to find your resources. Ahhhhh. Gotcha.
Finally, whatever you decide to do, or not do, when it comes to risk-taking and change, BE TRUE TO YOU. Some people fly on the safe side, and will always do so, and if your feelings are telling you it’s all good, then it’s all good. I remember going through a DISC personality test about 22 years ago, where there are four types identified: Dominant (Active Task-Oriented), Influential (Active People-Oriented), Steady (Passive People-Oriented) and Conscientious (Passive Task-Oriented). None of those types are bad “ratings,” and people in the “conscientious” group may always be happiest in their safe zone. If that’s you, honor yourself. That’s not mediocrity! And think of this: if everyone was a “D” or an “I,” we’d be in a world of chaos! That said, if you are an “S” or “C” and your happy place starts to chafe, please don’t wait until you have a festering blister to explore what that chafing is about.
Finally, I’ll say that the one thing I don’t fully adore from Danielle’s post is the title. I don’t believe courageous people are in the minority. I think that a lot of things we do every day take immense courage and add to our fulfillment. Standing up to a bully. Trusting a stranger. Caring for an ailing child or parent. Parallel parking on a hill. Allowing someone into your heart. Big acts of courage are more obvious than small ones, but give yourself credit for both.
Danielle and I are both Canadian, so it’s only fitting that I leave you with one of Canada’s national treasures: The Tragically Hip, singing their song “Courage.”
Images via Creative Commons license, with “Courage” artwork by Wendy at the Create to Heal blog.
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says
Hi Laura! Woke up this morning to find your words of wisdom in my inbox. Thank you. While I do my best to be courageous, I agree with you that timing, personality, and so many other factors figure into that. It really is a personal question. Am I being courageous and bold for my personality at the right time in my life or not? I can’t really answer that for anyone else. Every person is different and we can’t know for sure what another person is facing at any particular time. We only know when we ourselves are holding back our potential and facing excuses to not live our best selves. And while none of us want to think of ourselves as average–why? That is just a negative judgment that we want to avoid so we can feel special. What if we KNEW we were just perfect the way we were–from that place we are ALL special! Thanks for generating such good thoughts this morning. ~Kathy
Laura Zera says
I like that very much — start from a place of “perfect the way we are” and then go from there! And your comment made me think of something a wise coach said once: “You’re not stuck in a rut, you’re marinating in your juices.”
Thanks for being here, Kathy!
Laura McLeod says
Great post, Laura. I, too am a fan of Danielle (and the Hip), but agree that courage is different for each of us, based largely on personality and timing. Thanks for adding your voice here (and adding the quote in your comment about ‘marinating in your juices’. All of this is relevant and we’re where we are right now because of choices we’ve made. And we can make new choices whenever we’re ready.
Laura Zera says
Hi Laura!! And exactly, it is never too late to do something differently. Thanks for being here!
JAGODA says
Courage comes in so many forms and in so many ways. I really like how you talk about both big acts of courage as well as small ones. They all count!
And timing is so important too. For example, for me, I’ve decided that the time is right this year for me to shift my energy toward more fulfilling if less lucrative work. I’m slowly reducing my time at the big company and taking on smaller but more meaningful (to me) contracts. Saved up money in the bank, have hubby’s support and so I’m going for it.
You are wise woman, Laura.
Laura Zera says
That is wonderful! Congratulations. What instantly came to me is that it may be less lucrative right now, but that could very well change. Imagine how amazing your energy will be when you’re feeling more fulfilled, and what kinds of things it could draw. Exciting!
Thank you for the kind words, and wishing you a fruitful transition!
Val says
Terrifically inspiring words, Laura. As someone currently having their courage challenged on many levels, this meant a lot to me!
Laura Zera says
Hi Val! I’m so glad that my post found you at a time when the words were helpful! May you discover and draw on the courage you need, when you need it. xo
Jeri says
I’ve settled far too often in life, but lately I’m all about getting better at focusing on acting rather than thinking after four months in that chemo chair (and one more to go). Fear needs to drive a person to action, not stifle them. Playing things safe isn’t very interesting at the end of the day. Plus, I’m doing a six-month business mentoring group and the other day we talked about how most people really just don’t give a shit about what we do one way or another, so ya might as well take a risk or two or a hundred.
Laura Zera says
Ooooh, six-month business mentoring group — that sounds like a grand idea! I am super in awe of you, btw.