A casual letter to the editor caused a controversial social media stir on both sides of the border earlier this month when a police officer from Kalamazoo, Michigan wrote in to the Calgary Herald after his visit to the low-crime city. Walt Wawra complained he felt vulnerable when two men walked up to him and his wife in Nose Hill Park and said, in a very aggressive tone, according to Wawra, “Been to the Stampede yet?”
And then they said it again.
This behavior frightened Wawra, who proclaimed, “…the police cannot protect everyone all the time. A man should be al-lowed (sic) to protect himself if the need arises.” Wawra was referring to Canada’s gun laws—and gun culture, for that matter—which are quite a bit different than that of America. The firestorm of a response was no doubt fueled by his closing, “Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? Why then should the expectation be lower for a citizen of Canada or a visitor? Wait, I know – it’s because in Canada, only the criminals and the police carry handguns.”
Amid the cries of ‘please go home and don’t come back’ were more balanced responses, pointing out that Mr. Wawra is one individual, not reflective of the entire American population. This is true. But forget the gun law issue. Why was he so afraid of being approached by these two individuals in the first place? (I have the same question, minus one individual, for George Zimmerman.) And why did Wawra choose to let fear and distrust guide his actions and color his view? The key word I’ve used here is ‘chooses,’ because it is, my friends, a choice. You can choose to be fearful, or you can choose to have faith in those with whom you walk.
Another article I read this week gave me pause for consideration. In a blog post written last year, Ayd Instone posited that it’s not the mere existence of different ideas (about religion, politics, etc.) that gives rise to war and conflict. Rather, he says, we can’t have world peace until everyone stops getting offended by other people having different ideas. In other words, don’t take it personally and chill the heck out.
Going back to Walt Wawra and his letter, as a Canadian, I wasn’t offended by what he said, and I don’t feel that he must change his beliefs, even though they’re different from mine. They’re his beliefs. It makes me sad, though, that his beliefs about guns are driven by his fear of what ‘might happen to him.’ It must be an awfully stressful way to live.
And unnecessary.
And why is it that that’s my belief? Backpacking solo through Africa, multiple times, has been my test ground. I hitchhiked with male lorry drivers, I slept on the side of the road in a border town, heck, I slept in rooms next to African men I’d known for mere hours. In my backpack, I carried goods whose value exceeded an entire year’s earnings for most of the people I passed by each day. I didn’t get raped. I didn’t get robbed. I made a lot of friends; people who used part of their meager earnings to buy stamps and mail cards and letters to me when I got home.
It may be an extreme example, but think about it in comparison to walking past two men in broad daylight in a Calgary park. Wawra’s fear was unnecessary. And while people often tell me I’m brave, it’s a nice compliment, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t think of myself as brave. I just choose to have faith in my fellow human beings.
It doesn’t always come easily. I flinch sometimes. It’s a practice that takes practice, you might say.
The more that people choose the opposite approach of fear—an approach of trust, faith and compassion—the more we will see a shift in the world. A shift toward more conversation. A shift away from being offended by things people say just because we don’t like what we hear. A shift toward being comfortable in our own skin, out in this big world of ours. A shift toward peace.
Wawra’s letter and Instone’s blog post got me thinking, ‘what can we do to give people more confidence, what can we doooooo?!’ There may be some good answers and ideas for this—if you have some, please do share. On the flip side, though, I realized that it’s not really up to me to help someone feel confidence over fear. People like to talk about personal responsibility, and so yeah, I think it applies in this situation. Because it’s a choice.
You may say that someone’s approach will be colored by their experience. Walt Wawra is a cop, after all. He’s probably seen and experienced some pretty gritty stuff.
So have I. So have you. It’s out there, for sure. But no, it doesn’t change the bottom line.
How do you want to walk through your life? It’s your choice, and it’s your legacy.
Caleb Pirtle says
That I believe is the greatest tragedy of today’s society. Too many people live in fear. Too many are afraid to face someone walking toward them on the sidewalk. Too many live suffocated by paranoia, which, I believe, comes from watching too much television news. It would be better if news channels reported on the good things that happen in life. But, unfortunately, no one wants to watch or read good news. I know. I spend years as a newspaper reporter. People want to read and watch death, crime, tragedy, heartbreak, and sadness, then, too often, spend the rest of their days living afraid.
Laura Zera says
Watching or reading about too much death, crime, tragedy, heartbreak and sadness makes me so depressed, though! I have to counteract it by looking at pictures and videos of baby animals. Hmmm. Maybe that should be the global strategy to combat fear — place subliminal images of baby animals into television content. As always, thanks for reading, Caleb.
Jo VonBargen says
Brilliant post, Laura! I think we attract whatever we expect. If we are constantly fearful, looking for a bogeyman behind every tree, eventually one will appear to validate our fears. Or we will THINK a stranger is one because he had the gall to SPEAK to us. Clearly these chaps were just attempting to be friendly to a tourist who was unfamiliar with their communication style. Think what might have happened if Mr Lawman HAD been carrying. People like him should never venture outside their own homes if they are that paranoid.
Laura Zera says
One of my favorite quotes is ‘the world will conform to your expectations.’ I totally agree, we attract what we expect. Thanks, Jo!
Jayme says
I am with you on this. I think fear is a dangerous thing sometimes. Let us imagine he did have his gun, and feeling threatened, pulled it. It could have been a different story. I’ve been all around the US and Canada. If I lived in fear, any of my stories could be drastically different. I probably wouldn’t have gone very far.
Laura Zera says
Thanks for your comment, Jayme. That’s the sad thing — fear keeps many people in a ‘small space,’ geographically and mentally. And travel is such a beautiful thing, it should be experienced with a fully open heart and mind.
Jeri says
Insightful words indeed! I especially liked the paragraph that ends, “A shift toward being comfortable in our own skin, out in this big world of ours. A shift toward peace.” I’ve often wondered what makes one person choose to live in fear and another to be more accepting of whatever life may throw their way. Of course there are no easy answers, but thank you for such a thought-provoking post.
Laura Zera says
Hey Jeri, thank you! Nope, no easy answers, and I don’t know why some people seem predisposed to choosing fear over acceptance, but I do believe that that kind of thinking can be changed. I’ve seen people do complete 180s in their belief systems because they let go of some of their long-held notions.
Steve says
Good post, Laura (as though you would write anything but!).
While I condemn Mr. Wawra’s views in his letter to the editor—the gist of which seems to be that it would be a much better world if EVERYONE went around armed—I’m not in a position to either condone or condemn his response to the two men in the park. None of us were there; none of us can say with certainty what the men’s intentions were, or whether Mr. Wawra’s “fear” was merely a manifestation of the desire to protect his wife. And neither is George Zimmerman the sharpest tool in the shed; but again, we weren’t there that night when he encountered Trayvon Martin. We just don’t—we can’t—know for sure why things went down the way they did.
Faith in our fellow man counts for a lot, yes, and that’s a great place to start if you can do it. For my part, I shall continue to follow the advice of Ronald Reagan and “trust, but verify.”
Thanks for having me, Laura. You do good work here!
Laura Zera says
Steve, totally get what you’re saying, and “in all fairness” went through my head a lot as I wrote the post. I also contemplated whether it was fair to use Mr. Wawra to make my point, and then decided that it was because he did write the letter with the hope/intent that it would be made public (thereby opening the door). He has said he will write a second letter to the editor, so perhaps more will be revealed. In the meantime, without actually being there, I am still of the opinion that his response to the situation, as stated in his letter, was off the charts. Thanks for your comment, and I appreciate your perspective.
Christina Carson says
We do indeed manifest that on which we focus most. So yes it is a choice, but unfortunately only for those who recognized that fact. Fear has a great power to attract our attention and fix our focus, so much of what we end up with is the end result of our fear.
Laura Zera says
Your comment might be a good opening for me to add that in some respects and contexts, fear is a good thing, too. It tells us when we’re breaking new ground. It’s normal to feel fear when we are going beyond our comfort zone, the trick is to acknowledge it and then keep going. Acknowledge it, but don’t focus on it. Thank you for stopping by, Christina.
Julie Frayn says
I live in Calgary. The park this took place in is one of the safest areas of our city (and our city is one of the safest in Canada). We have fewer murders than where Mr. Wawra hails from, and 17 times the population. I understand the fear discussion, but if this person were so fearful, why would he be walking through a park he was unfamiliar with in the first place?
My fear is that if he was carrying his gun that day, we’d have two dead Calgary boys who probably just wanted to give them free rodeo tickets or something.
Laura Zera says
Calgary is a lovely city, which makes Wawra’s response even more odd. And I know what you’re saying about fear and the fact that he was out in the park in the first place… people can be afraid to cross a busy street, fly, drive, etc. — so many different ‘applications’ that for this piece, I was focusing on the fear that kicks in when you encounter people you don’t know. I’m also glad that he wasn’t carrying a gun that day, Julie! Thanks for reading and for your comment.
Cameron Lawton says
I don’t live in America or Canada. I live in France. I’ve been fortunate enough to visit the USA many times and I’ve found people friendly, helpful and kind. I’ve also been scared out of my wits in my native Britain. People are people – there are nice ones and there are nasty ones. What is needed is good old-fashioned COMMON SENSE. If a guy who looks drug-crazed is coming at you with a knife, run like hell. If a stranger is walking up to you armed with nothing more offensive than a newspaper, smile … it can’t do any harm.
You get what you give. I’m always willing to believe the old saying that a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet (unless of course they are obviously armed and dangerous). I don’t think the gun laws help (we have different ones in Europe) because, as has been stated, if this poor, frightened little policeman (excuse me? tough cop scared out of his wits at being spoken to??) had been armed then the outcome could have been tragic.
Great article – thanks for writing it. Cameron
Laura Zera says
Cameron, pleasure to meet you here and thank you for reading/commenting. “A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet.” I love it. That might just be my new mantra. And common sense seems to be missing from so many things that go wonky in the world. But I wonder, if one tends to walk down the scared side of the street, is their common sense blocked or inhibited? e.g. Fight or flight kicks in before common sense has a chance to say hello? And how to access it in an instant (and turn on a dime) when you’re already feeling fear? I’d love it if some medical/psychological clinicians would add to this conversation!
Daniel Essman says
Thank you for writing so essential an essay. It calls out the fear that dominates some of our fellow humans’ world view. What I find especially encouraging is that so many of the comments which follow your piece understand your observation…there is a movement here…a movement of folks who recognize and are (individually) attempting to transform their own mechanical reactions…away from fearfulness…to become more kind, more compassionate…and more joyful. And if that sounds sappy, well, so is maple syrup. Yrs, dan
Laura Zera says
Thank you for such a lovely comment, Dan. It is indeed encouraging to see the the concept of manifestation is becoming widely understood and upheld (and I also have a particularly dialed in readership!) And you also just got me thinking… how can we turn words like kindness, compassion, joy, peace and love into “non-sappy” words… how can we remove that association and ‘de-floofify’ them…?? Hmmmm. I’m going to work on that one.
Christine Macdonald says
It’s amazing how people can see the same thing with completely different views. What is a beautiful rose with thorns, to some – a thorny stick with petals dying on the tip, to one.
Great post.
Keep believing. x
Laura Zera says
Right, hey? And I’m inclined to think that one who sees the beauty in life will be the one with more happiness in their life. Thanks for reading, Christine.
trooper says
One forms their perceptions from their experience. If one was to have “visited” as many nations as you have – but spent time either evading direct fire, or returning it; one may have a different perception.
If one were a product of a dangerous community, as well as a dangerous home life – again, the way the brain determines threat levels will vary.
The fact remains that every single person who has been robbed or assaulted – or a target of some other unprovoked abuse – should be part of the discussion related to which rights and capabilities one should have in reference to defensive capabilities.
Every person who has attacked another – has been in the /offensive/ posture. Every person who has been on the unarmed and losing-side of an assault has been in the /defenseless/ posture. I believe the right of someone to determine how they go about life is their own right. If you choose to travel the world defenseless, or rely on wit and diplomacy, that’s fine. But others have the right to choose a defense or defenseless mode, given their experience, their environment, and their other available resources, training, and options.
Laura Zera says
Hi Trooper,
I agree with you to a very limited extent. If someone has lived through a highly-traumatic experience, such as war or a physical attack, then they could very well be suffering from PTSD, which brings its own issues and will absolutely color their determination of threat levels. But in actuality, it’s not the brain that makes the determination, it’s the sympathetic nervous system that kicks in before the brain has even processed what’s going on. With our brains, we can actually make more logical and reasoned decisions about threats. We have that mental power! And trauma and PTSD aren’t necessarily a permanent tattoo. Past experiences and environment do not have to dominate. Just look at the thousands of survivors out in the world, and what they do and how they live now. People who survived the genocide in Rwanda. Women who have been held captive and escaped. All the servicemen and servicewomen who had PTSD and moved through it.
I sense from the beginning of your comment that you don’t find me a credible voice on the subject. In fact, I am a trauma survivor. My sympathetic nervous system is still completely haywire, 25 years later, but my brain is not. My brain makes the rational assessment and choices, even when my palms are sweating and my flight response has kicked in.
I also lived in Johannesburg — not the safe suburbs, but downtown, where gunfire could be heard around the clock, where I listened to a man get shot and then saw him die on the landing to the parking garage in my apartment building, or another who was shot and killed at the bus stop where I waited. Jo’burg, where I called 911 twice to report the sounds of women screaming as they were assaulted outside my building, where my boyfriend would drop me off with a quick peck and then drive away because we couldn’t risk sitting in his car for more than 20 seconds. Believe me, I have seen danger, and it was extraordinary, but in the sense that it is not the prevailing state of being in most places in our world. And definitely not in Calgary.
Of course, people have the right to choose how they go about life. I agree, they have that right. And with that, they can also choose how they get over something, or how they stay rooted in the past. They can stay a victim or they can be as personally powerful as all get-out, and with nary a set of nunchucks in sight. It’s their choice.
Thanks for reading.
Laura says
Laura,
You’re living in a fantasy. You could easily get raped – traumatized for a long time – or murdered, acting the way you describe and being as trusting as you describe. Your faith in humanity does not guarantee your safety – although you seem to think it does. This police officer who you feel is being so misguided, probably has a much more realistic idea of the dangers than you do.
Laura Zera says
Thank you for your comment. I actually understand the dangers of the world a lot more than you give me credit for. The difference is that I don’t believe that acknowledging the risks and then living from a place of faith and love instead of fear need to be mutually exclusive acts.