Getting Out of Poverty: Bootstrapping Around the Barriers

Several years ago, pre-recession, some married friends of mine decided to start their own business. The husband (I’ll call him Jay), a plumber, worked for someone else, and while he liked his job, his wages weren’t enough for his family of four to break out of a low-income bracket. Jay and his wife (we’ll call her Beyoncé, just to mess with the image in your head) went out on their own.

Jay and Beyoncé prepared themselves well. They took classes and worked within a network of other small business owners to share ideas and fine tune the business plan for their plumbing company. Their growth was measured, but reasonable. But things popped up that got in the way of their progress. For instance, they had a son with juvenile diabetes. Once Jay left his job and became self-employed, they couldn’t get health insurance that would cover their son. His medication ran about $300 a month, and heaven help them if they encountered an emergency situation due to his disease. The system left them in a vulnerable position, and yet, they persevered, and grew, until the recession hit. Then they went back to traditional employment (for now, at least.)

There are plenty of people like Jay and Beyoncé in this country who are working arduously to achieve financial independence—not just to be free of government assistance, not just to be able to pay their monthly bills, but to have savings in the bank and enough left over to take a family vacation every year. They are bootstrappers, to a large degree, but they face barriers.

I didn’t realize how many barriers to financial independence existed until I did some work—both paid and volunteer—in the non-profit sector. I met clients and heard their stories, read legislation, and learned about social assistance program rules. Then I understood that while some people may be government assistance ‘lifers,’ content to collect every benefit they can for as long as possible, most want to get out of the social-assistance cycle, but find it tremendously hard to do so. They’d be better at bootstrapping if they didn’t have one hand tied behind their back and a blindfold on.

The examples are numerous, so here are just a few to illustrate how the social assistance system can create obstacles and/or prolong dependency (although laws and programs vary from state to state):

  • In some states, recipients of EBT cards (electronic benefits transfer cards) pay a transaction fee each time they use their card. In Washington State, it’s 85 cents. Whether they buy 20 grocery items or a jug of milk, they’re charged. This is due to contracts negotiated between state social service agencies and banks, and it eats a chunk of their assistance.
  • Welfare recipients who start their own business may have their benefits reduced as soon as they report business revenue. Since it takes three to five years for a business to really get going and become profitable, this policy is pretty counterproductive. Yet, the alternative in many cases is for the person to take a job that doesn’t provide a living wage, and soon enough they find themselves back on assistance.
  • Other activities that are associated with ‘getting ahead,’ e.g. saving money, getting post-secondary education, can also mean a reduction or discontinuation of benefits. People are penalized for implementing strategies that will lead to their long-term financial sustainability.

It is possible for people to break out of poverty, but currently it’s kind of like running a marathon where the water stations disappear at the eight-mile mark. More of them would be successful if the barriers—to education, living-wage careers and financial security—were removed. Instead, we often cut people off at the knees just as they’re starting to gain some momentum. And then the cycle continues…

Are you a bootstrapper? Have you run head-on into an economic barrier (ouch)? Tell me your story!

Next week, I’ll be talking about why the idea of bootstrapping is nice metaphor, but largely a myth in real-world application.

 

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When Someone You Love Has an Untreated Mental Illness

“Are they a threat to themselves or others?”

It’s the question you will be asked if you are trying to get help (through involuntary commitment) for a loved one with a mental illness. And in many states, provinces and countries around the world, it’s your answer to that question that will determine whether help will be forthcoming or not.

For a person’s illness to progress to the stage of potentially harming themselves or others is very serious and obviously not desirable, yet the flip side of that coin is that if someone hasn’t reached that stage, and won’t voluntarily accept treatment, there is little a family member can do. It can be an excruciatingly difficult and heart-wrenching position to be in, as I learned some years ago.

The symptoms of my mother’s mental illness started when she was in her late teens. She received her first treatment for schizophrenia when she was 73. See, her primary symptom was paranoia. How do you get a super-duper paranoid person to accept that you’re acting in their best interest when you prod them to seek mental health help? As Wayne Campbell says in the very worthy 1992 film Wayne’s World, “It might happen. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.”

Recently, the family doctor who treated my mother for many years said Mum was the most difficult patient she’s ever had, and she felt terrible because she wasn’t able to help her. She tried, I tried, my sister tried. And then we gave up and went about looking after ourselves, which is what you have to do once you’ve spent all the energy and resources you’ve got and find yourself no further down the road.

I also talked with a woman recently whose mother has schizo-affective disorder. Her mum was in her 60s when she was finally treated, but it was only after she’d taken an axe to their dining room furniture and started setting fires in the back yard. She’s now under court order to take her medication, but still doesn’t believe she has a mental illness.

Mental illness can go untreated for a lifetime.

There are reasons behind the laws: individual freedoms require protection and people have a right to refuse treatment, for any disease. Unfortunately, the reality is that family members end up having to stand by as loved ones end up in marginalized living conditions or even homeless on the streets. It’s estimated that one-third of the homeless population in the United States have an untreated mental illness.

I don’t want to discourage anybody from trying to help their loved ones who have a mental illness. Yes, absolutely, educate yourself about the laws and options in your home state or province. Work with the resources that are available to you. Have a plan. And if none of that works? Well, then you may need to set some boundaries in your relationship and take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty about it. Really, there’s no point in two people (or more) being sick from the situation, instead of one.

If you have to temporarily or permanently let go of a relationship with someone you love dearly, you’ll likely find yourself grieving the loss. Here is a recent article by Jennifer Boykin with some thoughts on the journey of moving through tragedy/grief and coming out stronger.

Incidentally, at age 73, when my mum finally received treatment for her mental illness, it was because she developed dementia on top of the schizophrenia. She was committed because she couldn’t remember how to access her money to buy herself food, not because she was violent. If the dementia hadn’t come along, she’d probably still be holed up in her apartment with the closed blinds and the triple-locked door, and we’d still be estranged.

A walk in the park, April 2012

I’m grateful she’s finally receiving help, but I can’t lay claim to any credit for that outcome. The bonus is that it gave me an opportunity to help out with her care, although my butter cookie contribution may be as much to blame as the anti-psychotic medication for her recent weight gain. Because I’ve spent the previous years making sure my own mental and emotional health were in order, I’m able to participate from a place of strength and compassion and with a clear head and heart. There’s a good reason why the safety videos on airplanes tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before attempting to help others.

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I’m Diggin’ Brené Brown and Her Vulnerability Study

Fun and funky, Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor who studies vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame and how they relate to a person’s sense of what she calls ‘wholeheartedness.’ I first got turned on to her when Molly Greene posted a link to Brown’s TEDx Houston talk in one of her blog posts.

The clip is 20 minutes long, which often is about 17 minutes longer than my attention span; however I’ve now watched this particular video four times and have emailed it to several friends. I like what this woman is saying enough that if there were still tickets to her upcoming talk in Portland in July, I’d drive the 175 miles to be in the same room as her for an hour.

I think Brown is on to something with regard to what’s at the root of the problems, pain, polarity—whatever you want to call it—in America today.

She notes that we are the most in debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.

She notes that religion has gone from belief in faith and mystery to “I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up.”

She notes that in politics today, there’s no discourse or conversation. There’s just blame.

And why might that be?

You have to watch her video to find out. It really got me thinking. I hope it does the same for you, and then let’s discuss!

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Ain’t Nobody Gonna Talk Smack about Jo VonBargen on Her 80th Birthday

As part of the Write for the Fight campaign, I invited goddess of words (and my friend, I’m proud to say) Jo VonBargen to answer one of the questions that was asked of the contributors to the book: What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday? Knowing what I know about Jo, I’m not surprised that what she sent back is a moving reflection on life, full of the humility and humanity that she demonstrates every day. Thank you, Jo, for contributing your wise words and helping the Write for the Fight team raise funds for breast cancer research.

***

I would imagine the first comment would be, “Oh, you’re still here?” Those who know me likely remember how from day one I’ve flopped around on the deck of life like landed trout and how unlikely it is that I survived.

Another would be, “You look so good, darling!” This is how you know you’re old. If you do, indeed, look good, it’s a testament to how well you’ve taken care of yourself. If they add the “darling”, it’s probably a pity gesture. Okay, whatever. Bad hair days don’t get to me anymore. Looks aren’t important. It’s what kind of hair you have inside. I think it was Gary Shandling that said that once. Continue reading

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How I Ended Up Living in Israel: A Guest Post for Molly Greene

The international volunteer program on Israeli kibbutzim has pretty much gone away, but like Jerry Seinfeld and Sacha Baron Cohen, I was lucky enough to experience it in its heyday. I invite you to join me in a hop over to Molly Greene’s blog today to read how it turned out to be a life-changing experience. As one of 80+ volunteers on Givat Haim Ihud–some Jewish, most of us not–I was part of a crazy, eclectic mix (and a few lost souls), there to work, learn, travel, party and get up to a variety of shenanigans…sometimes frowned upon by the more serious Israelis…

A big thank you to Molly Greene for hosting me (again) on her most awesome blog. The countdown is on for the release of her new novel, Mark of the Loon, due out in mid-May.

This is what we did to English volunteers

This is what we did to South African volunteers

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Why I Wanted to Write for the Fight: My Guest Post on Chick Lit Plus

What’s Write for the Fight all about and why did I want to get involved? A giant thank you to Samantha March for hosting me on Chick Lit Plus today and letting me talk about this phenomenal book and breast cancer fundraiser. In addition to being the author of Destined to Fail and a busy book blogger, Samantha has a page dedicated to breast cancer awareness on her site and used last October (Breast Cancer Awareness month) to raise visibility of the issue.

The link to my post: http://chicklitplus.com/guest-post-laura-zera.

Also, Write for the Fight became available for the Kindle on Amazon.com this past week! It’s also still available on BarnesandNoble.com, where it has seven 5-star reviews.  Paperbacks will be out on April 30th. All author royalties are going to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

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Tea with Geena Davis: How Girls Can Save the World

Tea with Geena Davis, Seattle - Meryl Schenker photo

I went to see Geena Davis speak a few weeks ago when she was visiting Seattle. Davis is the founder of The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media and See Jane. She spoke on a panel with Christine Grumm, former CEO of the Women’s Funding Network, and the title of the presentation was “How Girls Can Save the World.” I thought it was a rather grand and sweeping claim/name for the event, but I’ll get back to that later. First, I want to get to the one point that stuck in my head on March 12, and is still sticking there, like caramel in my molars. Continue reading

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Mangoes in Mali: An Essay on Fruit and Friendship

I awoke to the unrelenting sun creeping up in the sky and the sound of impatient commerce in the street below. It was 7 a.m., and more than 100˚F. My location was the open rooftop of a zero-star hotel in Djenné, Mali. I’d started out in a windowless room the night before, but after miserable hours of the fan throwing hot, heavy air in my face, I dragged my sleeping mat up to the roof in search of relief. It had worked, for the most part, though I was still groggy when I took a seat in the hotel’s outdoor restaurant and ordered some coffee.

Almost immediately, a young man of about fifteen approached the restaurant, the sand kicking up around his feet as he crossed the street. Continue reading

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Why Memoir? My Guest Post for Tess Hardwick

Today, I’m guest blogging about some reasons for writing memoir over on Tess Hardwick’s site, Inspiration for Ordinary Life. Tess is the author of the NOOK #1 bestseller Riversong and a fellow Washington State resident. I’m happy as a gooey duck (or geoduck, for all you non-phonetic types) to have been able to collaborate with Tess on Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, and to be featured on her blog this fine day.

A gooey duck, moderately happy

 

 

 

 

 

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Is the Purple Pill Right for You?

I’ve written several posts in the past months in which I’ve highlighted the dramatic rise in diagnoses of mental illness in North America in the last 30 years. In addition to the rise in diagnoses, there are other related happenings that have been growing in significance, and I’ve also featured some of these in my posts. They include such things as the insurance payment structure in America lending itself to drug treatment over talk therapy and the growing list of disorders that is included with each new revision of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).

Pinning down exactly how these things (directly or indirectly) have a connection to the increase in mental illness diagnoses is undeniably complicated—perhaps impossible to prove—but I absolutely believe they are interrelated. There are even more factors in play than those about which I’ve written, and this post will touch on another: drug advertising. Continue reading

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My Skate Bag

There’s nothing quite like the sulfurous smell of a skating rink. It could be the off-gassing of the black floor that is set around the outside of the ice, Zamboni exhaust hanging in the air, perhaps the chemicals that get mixed with the frozen water, or the layered sweat of hockey and figure skaters. It’s a smell that goes home with you, heavy in your hair and clothes. It’s a smell that lingers on your hands after you’ve removed your gloves.

I drove to Vancouver the weekend before last. When I’m up there, I like to go skating. It’s not that we don’t have skating rinks around Seattle; we do, and I could easily go there. I don’t know those rinks, though. They don’t beckon me. Continue reading

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A Phone Call to an Old Friend (of My Mom) – Part Two

Back in August, I published a post about a very special phone call. When cleaning out the condo of my schizophrenia- and dementia-addled Mum last summer, I found a letter from her old friend, Bunty. The letter was from 2001; the two of them met in 1953 at nursing school (psychiatric nursing, to be exact.)

I called Bunty in August to let her know that Mum had gone into a care home and had little memory of anything or anyone. What transpired was a warm conversation with a delightful and caring woman and I hung up the phone feeling exponentially better than I did before the call—better about my mum’s health, better because I knew more about her younger years, and better because I felt like I might have made a new friend of my own, the friendship even more meaningful given her connection to my mum. Continue reading

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